mrderivative.blogspot.com

If you are reading this, you have discovered my blog. Welcome. Given that this is my first blog I am willing to bet that we know each other. At this early stage in my blogging career, I doubt that this Blogspot address that I just made up will get much traffic. Therefore my readers can be lumped into one of two categories.

A. A friend of mine on Facebook who saw this when I posted the link in a shameless attempt to create readership.

B. My Mother, who will no doubt be chastising me for the many grammatical errors in this blog.

Note: My Mother actually has Facebook, but she will not see the link because we are not Facebook friends. I love my mother with all my heart, she did a great job raising my sister and I while juggling a healthy marriage and a career. She made me the person I am today. However I refuse on principle to be Facebook friends with her. Being Facebook friends with your mom is the 21st century equivalent of saying "But my mom says I'm Cool!"

So I decided to submit my entry to the already oversaturated blog market, frankly because I wanted to and as I used to say entirely too often when I was 17:

“I do what I want”.

So what is the point of this blog’s existence? What can people find at my blog that they can’t find anywhere else? Well, before I tell you what you will find, I will tell you what you won’t find.

• MATH: To anyone who google searched “derivative” to find a website about calculus so that you and your little math buddies can talk about equations, and variables and theorems and all that other stuff that I don’t care about, try again. I don’t like math and I don’t like people who like math. I used to be good at math, until sixth grade when the problems stopped being “6x8=48” and they started being “Why does 6x8=48?”...I don’t know, I don’t care, leave me alone. Also, in sixth grade Mrs. Kiraly gave me a Check-Minus on my math homework instead of the Check I had obviously earned, because I forgot to write my name in the upper right-hand corner, after that I just kind of checked out when it came to Math...so long story short no math at my blog. Apologies to Good Will Hunting.

• ANGST: This is not going to be a blog where I whine to you about issues in my life or tell you about some slight that one of my friends paid me. That is a waste of my keystrokes and your reading. If you want angst watch the new 90210 or read someone’s MySpace Blog, that should give you your fill.

• ANALYSIS BASED ON EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE. This blog is going to be a hobby of mine. Everything I say will be my opinion. So I’m kind of like Cable news, except I admit it. Please don’t be that douchebag that reads something I write and says “Well actually according to the most recent Gallup Poll...”, as I said about math, I don’t care, leave me alone.

So....what will you find at mrderivative.blogspot.com?

You will find my musings and ramblings on a variety of topics...Pop Culture, Sports, Politics...maybe even Sex. I feel like most writers can write intelligently about sex and I would like to someday...but I won’t do it until I have the emotional maturity to not have it sound like a recap of previous conquests.

I will usually write about whatever I feel like writing about when the urge to blog strikes, but this Blog will have several recurring features:

• Lists: You will often see features where I quantify Movies, Songs, Politicians, etc...based on a concept or idea. Not groundbreaking work, I know, but a feature I feel like doing. Concepts will range from traditional lists like “Top 10 Guilty Pleasure Songs” to lists that are a little more outside the box such as “The Ridiculous List” a list of songs, events, fads or people that I just find plain ridiculous.

• “My Friends are Idiots”: Most of my friends are young, college-educated, upwardly mobile professionals, and great people who I’m lucky to have in my life. That being said, they do or say some of the dumbest shit I have ever experienced in my life. This will be a recurring section following these escapades.

• Wayyyyyy Too Many ‘Simpsons’ references: This won’t be a feature, but a trend you will notice in my writing. Ever since I was young, I have loved “The Simpsons”. I own all the episodes on DVD that have been released and have watched all of them with commentary. It’s a good thing that I played Varsity sports in high school and college and have been laid, because if I hadn’t, the fact that I have a blog where I quote the Simpsons too much is highly symptomatic of geekdom.

In closing, I would like to explain the name of this blog, Mr. Derivative. Those who know me would likely expect “Mosko” to appear somewhere in there...but alas no. I named it Mr. Derivative because....

It is what my sister would call me when I’d copy her. She has a terrific blog, outofthepantry.blogspot.com. Read it, its better than mine.

A lot of my writing style and content is just an inferior rip-off of my favorite columnist, Bill Simmons aka ESPN’s “The Sports Guy”, read it here: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/simmons/index

I really don’t offer anything that hasn’t been offered up in a blog before...so its derivative...but its my version so I gave it a surname...so that’s Mr. Derivative to you.

So if you are interested you can stay tuned for my next blog or turn to another channel....

(Checks earpiece, listens to producer)

Do not turn to another channel. (Simpsons Reference)