Note: I did not want to post this blog as a follow up to my intro. I personally feel that doing a political blog is not the tone I want to set. However, I have not posted anything in a couple days and of all the pieces I was working on, this was the most ready to publish...so here it goes.
The Political Blog
“Do you remember when life used to be simple and cool?”
Kyle-South Park, Osama Bin Laden has Farty Pants, 11/7/2001
I’m loathe to do a political blog. I don’t like politics. I was a Political Science major and since graduation I have become more and more turned off by politics. Part of it is that I don’t like the nature of the beast. I took a simulated Congress class during my Junior year of college and it successfully killed any interest I had in the subject: 55 grade-grubbing Poli-Sci Majors back-stabbing each other in a simulated environment is bad (so bad that I never went to class, even though I was “Dick Cheney” and held the tie-breaking vote in the "Senate", I was able to squeak by with an undeserved C- because I coached my TA’s team in our sorority soccer tournament, and was hooking up with her little sister); a situation where the stakes are real and the participants have more invested in their actions than a grade is much worse (I want to insert a “maybe Cheney is hooking up with his TA’s little sister” joke here...but that’s just too disturbing). Part of it is the role the media plays in the current political climate. Fox News is obviously the gold standard in Propaganda/Blustering/Opinion perpetrated as news; but the other channels aren’t much better. I was stuck in the Atlanta airport recently at 5:00 AM, nothing was open. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t buy anything, I coudn’t even get drunk, so obviously I was very irritated. I tried sleeping, but I couldn’t. Why not? Because CNN was blasting full volume in the terminal and the blither that was coming out of the TV was more than I could bear. The first time its on, its interesting to hear about Sarah Palin’s first interview...when its being replayed for the 502nd time and being analyzed to death by a pair of “Strategists” whose only strategy is to agree with party lines...I don’t care anymore.
But sadly the election is a big deal right now, so to stay relevant I am going to cover it.
The quote at the top of the page is a reference to the state of the world pre-9/11. As a 16 year old when it happened, this quote really summed up my thinking. During the Clinton years, everything did seem simple and cool. Hell, the Clinton years just were more fun. All in all, the events of 9/11 weren’t the Republican’s fault, but pretty much everything else since then is.
The Democrats are at fault too. They spend more time backbiting each other like a couple sorority girls who blew each others formal dates then they do seeing the long game of how to run a campaign. Barack Obama is the most electable Democrat of this century. If he doesn’t get elected its Hillary’s fault.
Or it would be....if we were a Nation who made our political decisions based on rhetoric, party lines and the media. Oh you say that IS how we make our political decisions?
That is an understandable guess. We definitely don’t make our political decisions based on rational thought, theoretical analysis, and general common sense.
No. There is a simple formula to how we elect our leaders.
We elect the “Bad Boy”.
We are a nation of sheltered, Sandra Dees who can’t wait to surrender our virginity to the first guy who comes along with long hair, a motorcycle and keeps us out past our curfew. Often, we choose these types instead of our innocuous, platonic, male “BFF”...candidates usually more qualified to govern.
I believe that every election since 1980 has been decided by this reasoning. See my analysis below. In case you don’t know how these elections turned out, the winner is in BOLD.
1980 Ronald Reagan vs. Jimmy Carter: How can Ronald Reagan, the oldest president ever elected be considered a bad boy? I admit it's a bit of a stretch. But think about it. Carter the aww shucks, intellectual Georgia peanut-farmer vs. Reagan, a former actor. Even though Reagan was 148 when he ran against Carter. His Hollywood background gives him some Bad Boy cred. The Vinnie Chase of the 1950’s. We can just imagine him sweet-talking some innocent extras back to his love trailer during his guest appearance on “Wagon Train”. Plus we all now Carter was a veritable altar boy.
1984: Ronald Reagan vs. Walter Mondale: Mondale was from Minnesota, pitting Reagan against a nice Mid-Western boy instead of a nice Southern boy only increases his Bad Boy appeal, especially when you consider that at this point Reagan had also successfully ended a hostage crisis. Reagan goes from Vinnie Chase to Colin Farrell back when he was having sex with a barely legal Lindsay Lohan in elevators while the paparazzi watched.
1988: George Bush (I) vs. Michael Dukakis: George Bush, a former fighter pilot vs. Michael Dukakis...a short Greek man. I was 3 years old during this election so all I know about Dukakis is that he was short and Greek (as mentioned previously) and that Jon Lovitz plays him on Saturday Night Live. A fighter pilot definitely is more bad ass than Jon Lovitz.
1992: George Bush (I) vs. Bill Clinton: This was the first election where I had any idea what was going on. I remember my mother saying “Bush is the president, Perot’s a Billionaire, and poor Bill Clinton has to play his saxophone to get attention!” Well Bill Clinton in shades on Arsenio playing that sax gave him bad boy cred that money or experience can’t buy. He also carried his bad boy cred into office...ask Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones...that underage waitress at the BBQ place he impregnated according to Primary Colors...oh that was a movie with John Travolta? Anyway...
1996: Bill Clinton vs. Bob Dole: Bob Dole endorsed Viagra...Bill Clinton got freaky in the oval office while talking to Diplomats on the phone. I know both of these happened AFTER the 1996 election, but it illustrates my point nicely.
2000: George W. Bush vs. Al Gore: Drunken Frat Dude who owns a baseball team vs.well...Al Gore
2004: George W. Bush vs. John Kerry: Kerry = Gore 2.0...same boring Democrat...New exciting way to lose....
So given our predilection for Bad Boys what does the 2008 election hold?
Well...given his “Change we Can Believe in” campaign....its hard to paint Obama as a bad boy. His campaign would like to see him as a bad boy in the traditional Washington scene, but that’s not the kind of Bad Boy we are talking about. Any mother would love it if their daughter brought home Obama . As for McCain, well, mothers would be upset if their daughter brought home McCain but only as far as being upset that their daughter brought home a man in his 60’s.
This one may go down to the VP’s. I only pay lip service to politics, which means that I don’t pay enough attention to know anything about Joe Biden...which is probably indicative of his lack of a bad boy quotient. Then there is Sarah Palin...the under-qualified, cougarish, self-proclaimed hockey mom from Alaska, with a pregnant underage daughter...
Oh Fuck.
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